_Becoming Mark Kermode (a love song by The Gillroyd Parade)_
 by The Gillroyd Parade

You don't speak kindly to me 
You never treat me well 
And you ignore my basic needs 
So you can go to hell 
My grievances are manifold 
And very rarely told 
I will lock myself away with tapes of Mark Kermode 

So I'll steal all your food away 
And I will make you fast 
And I will build a time machine 
And leave you in the past 
I'll keep all the dirty secrets 
Things that you will never know 
And then review you in the style of Mark Kermode 

Oh, Oh Mark Kermode (x2)

Then I'll take you to the parties 
And I'll sicken you with wine 
I will skin you I will gut you 
And all in my own good time 
I will bake you in a furnace 
I will turn you to a toad 
Then review you in the style of Mark Kermode 

I will hunt you in the pastures 
I will hunt you with dog packs 
Overfeed you in the restaurants 
Until you're good and fat 
I will shove you from tall buildings 
Shove you into busy roads
Then review you in the style of Mark Kermode 

'Till you cry "No, no, no, no, no more Mark Kermode!" (x2) 

(break) 

I will remind you I've a doctorate
In a skiffle band I'll play 
And I will praise "The Exorcist"
A thousand times a day 
Though my opinions may be half-arsed 
My opinions I'll unload 
And I'll repeat the wisdom of Mark Kermode 

I will oil my hair up 
I will wear black suits and ties 
“Narrative cinema is dying!” 
Will be my battle cry
I will endlessly view repeats 
Of the culture show 
Now I'm only watching films endorsed by Mark Kermode 

You will cry "No, no, no, no, no more Mark Kermode!" (x2) 

(break)

Mark Kermode will come and take me 
He will carry me away 
Mark Kermode will educate me 
Until my dying day 
Mark Kermode will build a better me 
Through all the things he's told 
The bright and glorious future looks like Mark Kermode! 

I will cry "I don't need you I have Mark Kermode!"  (x4)



Chords:

D
You don't speak kindly to me 
    A
You never treat me well 
    G
And you ignore my basic needs 
                 D
So you can go to hell 
D
My grievances are manifold 
    A
And very rarely told 
       G                                      D
I will lock myself away with tapes of Mark Kermode 


Refrain:
D            G7                               D
You will cry "No, no, no, no, no more Mark Kermode!" (x2)